The below was inspired by Eminem, a very inspiring rap artiste. Actually, I really quite like Eminem, his good stuff. Not the stuff where he's like oh fuckity fuck I love to have anal sex with women and now here's a rap to describe how much I love it etc...how about I tell you all what I do with my penis! Yes, I do not like those. But don't you think that Hayley looks like him? He is good, and I even admire him for rapping about that kind of penis talk. Because he is kkkeepin' it real.
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? When I cut myself. Not a phase I am particularly proud of but I think that I am feeling cowardly enough to reveal this information through survey. On my legs. If I'd wanted to kill myself I would have done it. I didn't want to. I was feeling like I wanted to be a part of something that I wasn't, I was left out. So I did something to make me feel different. A selfish ridiculous thing now, I realise. I was a troubled kid. And fuck me, it was only last year.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? [we are in England] An ink painting of peacocks, a cute post it note in the shape of a pair of leapord print shoes with a list of things to do, a sepia tone photo of the countryside, paint.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE? Woot, it's Emma's. It's silver, flippy and has a little orange sticker, incidentally with the word "orange" on it.
4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? A la Stacey Teague "the best music there is, of course"
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? No
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? A fucking haircut.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? Sunshine
8. WHAT ARE YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSIONS? Books, notebooks, pens, CDs.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? Actually I think a little, in lifts and stuff.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? No
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Some kid in a movie...
13.WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? There was no number 9. I quite like the one Amy gave me for Chrimbo.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Fuck, who gives a shit?
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF? IN A MIRROR!! Or a number of other reflective surfaces.
16. COFFEE OR enERGY DRINK? Coffee
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? I love any pizza!
18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Oh fuck me ice cream.
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD? HO hum. I don't know.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? I don't know.
22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? I have the mega horn for this guy called James. He has great hair...
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? no
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? well fook di doo. I would have to say that I really adore Dior Homme, even though I don't own any of the clothes and haven't seen them. I just fell in love with the guy who designs them is all. Bah. Real live clothes that I would say, let's go on a whim and say Oasis because I saw this fucking awesome babydoll dress...black n spotty in Debenhams. Fuck, I would hit that. *is aware that you cannot in fact have intercourse with clothes*
25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR? old fashioned beetle.
26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? shelly my lovely darling cat, i miss you!
27. WHAT KIND IS IT? TORTOISeshell.
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Ich habe keine idee.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Big hug.
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: "a number from one to a hundred" oh fuck you all. it was bound to come sooner or later.
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? brunettes
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? 789 (virgin credit hotline-susie's phone company at the moment)
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? fucking money.
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? yes.
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? ice cream.
36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? o yes, i just can't remember them all.
37. FIRST JOB? Never had one
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? NO
39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT tHIS? Picking my nose.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE? Finger implants or something like that. Elbow extensions.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY? Because I wanted to disclose some pretty personal/dodgy/emotional baggage and then joke lightheartedly for a while.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? Lately it is how I am good company. Woot.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? Have lots of sex.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? MultiBillion dollar earning business please.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? good grief aren't we a little fast? i don't even know your name!
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? my great niece's pet elephant.
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? non.
48. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS MORNING? sat on my arse writing out sylvia plath and listened to martha wainwright. i had scrambled eggs for breakfast.
49. WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT? a massive turkey. all by myself.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? stacey, your handwriting is sehr neat. i love my handwriting.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? ham.
52. ANY BAD HABITS? non.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? fuck stacey, that IS embarassing. something like Ashanti...what the fuck was i thinking? i wasted a perfectly good gift voucher on her!
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? non.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? Yes.
56.DO LOOKS MATTER? Ach.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? write.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? och aye, es ist heir, pooles farm.
59. WHO IS YOUR FAMOUS/ ACTOR/ SINGER CRUSH? adam brody...or yeah, julian casablancas, and a number of other hot singers that are skinny and sing indie and smoke loads...and yeah.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? my imagination!!
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? several...who knows, emma had a bajillino in there before me and rhys had even more before me before me that.
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Yes.
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? Ho hum. Don't really know.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? Well. Nice hair.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Suse, Suz-wad, (le) Schnooze, Foozeball. You know, I could say Suse was Suze and then they'd all have Z in them.
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Any, Ice cream is my lover.
73. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW? Woot, I miss Australian beautiful people.
74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? One hundred and twenty. And they're all kept in a pretty silver box with an embellished frog on the lid.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? no I do not.
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? My noisy typing...noises in the house....McFly in my head...
77. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Coffee!
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Uncle Ian.
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? Everything.
80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? The Wheels On The Bus. There is molto room for molto interpretation.
81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? What a fucked up question. Fuck off.
82. FAVORITE DRINK(S)? Ho Hum. Wine is good, as is coffee. But water has its merits.
83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN: Scorpio. Incidentally, I am one.
84. Favorite SPORT ? Oh Tennis. Give me sweaty Andy Roddick, Marat Safin and oh FUCK I can't believe I don't remember his name...what the fuck is it? Shit FUck bugger wank prick. EDIT: fuck me it's Roger Federer. I love tennis players. They are hot.
85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? black
86. EYE COLOR? woot woot, brown.
87. HEIGHT? couldn't say. but apparently somewhere around 5 ft 7? according to my cousin.
89. FAVORITE MONTHS? fuck. I have never been the kind of person who can have favourite months. I just live every day, or try to, and thus can only love the month that I am in. SO FUCK THAT.
90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? I like rice, so yeah.
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Ooh, let's backtrack like Priori Incantatem. ER, Friends, show on Fashion-like the design x factor or something, Brokeback mountain. That's where it stops being interesting.
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? see 89.
93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? I haven't liked anyone enough to know the answer to this question.
94. SUMMER OR WINTER? Not fussed.
95. KISSES OR HUGS? Hugs are much more user friendly. Kisses in my experience are awkward.
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Where is that bodyguard of mine?
97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A movie ticket.
98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? I hope everybody.
99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Several: Indecision by Benjamin Kunkel, Unless by Carol Shields and Ariel by Sylvia Plath.
100. ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU? To quote my delicious friend Anna (I would love to hooooook up with you!) "Fucked if I know!"
Well I hope you all know that I fucking don't want to be analysed. I know perfectly well everything that the above post has intended. I know what I am thinking and I know what you are thinking. But I can't stop it now, CAN I?
Here is it: this is my reaction to my impending homecoming to Australia. I am anxious and I want to change. So I will and I won't fucking let anyone get in the way of it. I wonder.
Can everyone believe that Nicholas Aden has not eaten Turkish Delight? What a poor boy. I say we set up a Save Nick Aden Fund where we sit around at my house on the 4th of Feb eating loads of Turkish Delight and drinking wine. I don't bloody care if you don't drink wine, you're going to learn to drink it and learn to love it! If not, we'll feed you some kind of beverage. Otherwise just send $2000 (US) to *a couple of numbers I can't remember* Wood Valley Court (or something) Lexington...Kentucky...etc. Zip Code and etc. Just send it to me then, and I'll pass it on to Nick.
I have been talking to Fraser, the poor lamb, who has been marooned in Warnambool for the week. I find it saddening to believe that he is so bored that he has to text moi for amusement. But I'm slightly touched at the same time. I feel like baring everything, some kind of "shedding le baggiere" type thing...I don't really care if you want to read into whatever comes out of my head next...I am on a typing binge.